In news that will surprise nobody, rumours abound that a certain Presidential candidate within Oxford University Conservative Association has committed the cardinal sin of joining the Viceroys’ dining society – an all-male group with a penchant for colonialism and (quite literally) throwing money at problems.
Jan Nedvídek, outgoing President, explicitly prohibited all OUCA officers from membership of such societies at the start of his tenure. The rumours specify Shane Finn’s role as ‘India’: commander and commandeer of the group. Which is a less than diplomatic move, given that ‘India’ is exactly where said candidate’s girlfriend, Srishti Suresh, has roots. Shamey shame shame.
But who cares for rumours? Not HackOx: they all happen to be false. But their spread has had interesting effects. Finn, after a plague of welfare crises and relationship breakdowns – Suresh is in fact believed to have suffered severe health problems – is finished and has withdrawn his candidacy. No office, no glory, no slate.
The real scandal, HackOx can divulge, is that his sole rival for President Wojciech Woznicki propagated these rumours on at least one occasion. Did he, perhaps, even initiate them? Perhaps in a bid to undermine his opponent, particularly to naïve freshers?
We’ll leave that one to your imagination…
Your faithful servant,